My Elderly Father Is Having a Major Late-Life Crisis. I Can’t Let Him Go Down This Road.

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Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

My father is 80, and, as far as I can tell, he is experiencing a late-life crisis. He just informed me that he intends to sell his house and, I am flabbergasted by what he plans to do with the proceeds.

Prudie, he thinks he’s going to launch a singing career! My mother passed away three years ago, and she was the only one who could have talked him out of something so insane. I know he’s going to flop and then I’ll be stuck with him moving in with me (my husband is panicking at the prospect). Can you give me some advice on how to get him to see reason, or would it be better to gather my brothers, my uncle (dad’s brother), and any other relatives and friends I can to stage an intervention?

—You Won’t Get a Big Break, Just Broke!

Dear Big Break,

There’s a way you can address your stake in this (you don’t want him in your house any sooner than necessary) without killing his dreams. “Hey Dad, I think it’s really great that you are pursuing your passion for singing. I want to let you know that you don’t need to sell the house to make this happen. We can set you up to share your talents on YouTube and TikTok, where you might find your audience, and there are also some great apps you can use at home instead of renting studio space. Can I help you with some of this? It will free up a lot of time for music that would otherwise go to packing and putting the house on the market.”

But also, your dad is 80. Even if he gives up on his singing career tomorrow, you and his other loved ones are going to have to grapple with what will happen when he can no longer live alone, and have a conversation with him about this. He could have a debilitating accident or be diagnosed with an illness any day. Your husband panicking at the prospect of him moving in is an indication that it’s time to face this difficult reality, discuss it with your dad, and make a plan for before it’s an emergency. Because that emergency will almost certainly come, and it won’t be because of a late-life crisis or new career dreams. It will be because of the very predictable reality of late life itself.

Dear Prudence,

I work as a professional chef and am dreading the upcoming holiday season. Each year, I receive dozens of requests from friends and relatives for me to make dishes in advance for them where all they have to do is pop it in the oven or involve minimal prep. I wouldn’t mind helping a handful of them, but last year I had 30 tasks. This year my wife and I are expecting twins in January. I simply cannot devote the time required for all these meals since she typically helps out as well and obviously cannot this time. What can I do to convey that I have a life and family of my own without coming across as the asshole?

—Swamped Chef

Dear Swamped,

I’m a little bit shocked that people asked this of you, even in the years before your life was on the verge of becoming more complicated. You’ve been running a pro bono catering company, which would be fine if you really loved it and offered the food as a gift, but the fact that they were placing orders is blowing my mind. It ends today!

You can send out a mass email with all of the leeches Bcc’d, or post on your social media, or whatever you think will reach most of the friends and family members demanding that you pretend to run a Honey Baked Ham franchise: “Happy holidays to my loved ones! I hope everyone is doing great. I wanted to give you plenty of notice that I unfortunately won’t be able to prepare and distribute meals this year, as Sophie and I are having an especially busy season and preparing for our daughter to arrive in January. I’ll likely still bake cookies and bring them to any gatherings, and I really look forward to seeing all of you. And I’m happy to share my recipes if anyone is interested.”

Dear Prudence,

I need help figuring out how to deal with various family members’ eating habits during the holidays. The behavior I am most worried about comes from my in-laws, who are the types who are always talking about foods as “good” or “bad” and make “jokes” like “this doesn’t have any butter at all in it, right?” I love to cook, and bake, and during the holidays, we will have our in-laws here for a few days in the prime moments of this. My kids are still young—3 and 1—but I want them to have warm memories of Christmas cookie baking just like I do from my youth. I feel like this is the year that the older one will start to pick up on her grandparents’ comments, and I’m wondering: Should I deploy my husband in advance to ask for no commentary?

My husband is on my side, but still carries lots of food-shame from his own upbringing, which, having watched his parents, I get! (My MIL once said that it’s good my younger one is a boy due to how much he loves carbs.) I’m worried that dealing with it in advance will just somehow make them weirder when they’re here. Should I just counter it day to day? Rest assured that I’m setting a different example?

—Cookie Christmas

Dear Cookie Christmas,

Don’t say anything. Obviously the 1-year-old is not going to absorb any of this. And I doubt an occasional meal with people who aren’t major figures in his or her life (and I assume they aren’t, since this experience will be limited to the holidays) is going to have much impact on the older child’s attitudes about food. Your instinct that the messages you and your husband convey 362 days out of the year will prevail is correct. If for some reason your kid really fixates on why grandpa said butter was bad and is still talking about it the next day, you can lightly respond “A long time ago people thought some foods were bad, and some people still believe that! But Mommy and Daddy think all food is good—some foods are really good for giving us energy and helping us grow, some foods are really fun to eat on holidays and at parties, and some things are both.”

Catch up on this week’s Prudie.

More Advice From Slate

My husband forces me to give him hugs. I know this sounds like a really stupid problem to have. He has created a “hug toll,” and he won’t let me leave the room until I give him a hug. Here are some examples. I am running late for work and need to rush out the door. He will physically block my exit until I give him a hug. He doesn’t do this in a way that will hurt me; he’ll just pick me up until I give him his hug then he’ll let me go. Another scenario is when we are downstairs and I have to use the bathroom. He will block the stairs until I hug him. It’s really annoying. Sometimes I just don’t feel like giving hugs. I have told him this, but he just laughed at me. The hug “tax” is really obnoxious. How do I make it stop? He is 100 pounds heavier than me and a foot taller, so I can’t push my way out. How can I make it stop, Prudence? I love hugging him, just not on command. He’s a hug bully.