I’ve been (mostly) single for nearly six years now, and feel like I’ve used every app under the sun. From this accumulated experience (and plenty of hit and miss), I’ve built up a pretty solid profile. And I can also recognize when others’ profiles are a bit “meh.” While I’m no expert—that’s what love coaches and dating app insiders are for—I spoke to a host of them to learn what the most common dating app mistakes are and how to fix them. From the wrong photos and generic opening lines to bad attitudes and intentions, the following six mistakes can easily be rectified. You’re welcome.
1. You’ve chosen unclear, old, or confusing photos.
Photos are the first thing we look at when we receive a like or decide to swipe right. While a bio and prompts are arguably more important, we get to these after our split-second decision to match, which is based on the visuals. For this reason, you want to use your best ones and ensure they reflect you as a person.
Avoid outdated pictures that no longer look like you, photos that hide your face, and too many group shots, Logan Ury, lead relationship scientist at Hinge, tells SELF. “It’s great to show off your social life, but don’t make us guess which one you are,” Ury says. London-based matchmaker Sarah Louise Ryan also recommends steering clear of overly filtered snaps and photo trends, such as mirror selfies or overly stylized travel shots.
What to do instead: Ensure your photos are clear, current, and mostly of you. Of course, there’s no harm in including friends—but they shouldn’t be the first photo. “Show yourself when you’re happiest, whether that’s hanging out with friends or doing something you love,” suggests Shan Boodram, Bumble’s relationship expert. “I would recommend a smiley headshot as your lead image and photos that show your hobbies, interests, and lifestyle. It could be a photo of you playing sports, at a festival, with your pet, on your travels, at one of your fave cafe spots, or reading in the park,” adds love coach Vicki Pavitt.
2. You’ve written an incomplete or “lazy” bio and prompts.
A common qualm for the experts? Profiles and bios that are incomplete or a touch generic. According to Ury, cliché prompt answers such as “Debate this topic: pineapple on pizza” are overused and will not impress. “They fall short in showcasing individuality and creativity that spark deeper conversations,” she notes, before adding that one-word prompt answers “can make it harder for matches to ask meaningful follow-up questions that help them get to know you” and should therefore also be avoided.
If a profile feels half-done, it’s easy to assume somebody isn’t exactly committed to the process, so make sure you avoid being half-hearted with it. And whatever you do, don’t turn to AI. “Human connection is key,” Dev Mistry, communications manager at Feeld, tells SELF, before noting that you can always tell when AI has been used.
What to do instead: Your bio and prompts are a chance to get your personality across, so don’t hold back. Complete your profile rather than leaving it half-done, and be clear about your interests, hobbies, values and intentions. There’s nothing worse than realizing you don’t align with someone you’ve just matched with because you initially liked their pictures. Basically, you want to make sure the right people can find you. “Being specific is always better than being generic, so use humor or share what you genuinely care about,” advises Boodram.
3. You rely on opening lines that feel generic (or inappropriate).
So you’ve matched with someone you’re excited about, now what? There’s nothing more infuriating than being hit with a generic “hey,” so avoid doing it to others. The biggest reason against this (besides it being boring and unoriginal), is that it shows you haven’t really paid attention to your match’s specific profile. “When that’s all you send, I know you didn’t read my bio fully,” says Zachary Zane, Grindr’s sex and relationship expert. “I also know you’re messaging every single damn person on the app.”
Other initial chat that should be off the table? Asking someone how long they’ve been single for, or why. “These questions land awkwardly in a dating app chat. They put the other person on the spot and come across like you’re already interviewing them for a relationship before your first date,” notes dating coach Hayley Quinn.
And don’t use AI. “Chatfishing” isn’t cool.
What to do instead: Start by showing your match you’ve taken the time to look at their profile and send them a thoughtful message. “For example, when I see someone is into anime, I ask which anime they’re currently watching as a first line, then share the anime I’m currently watching,” notes Zane. This approach is backed by data. “Bumble’s research shows that when people ask engaging questions, reply rates and conversation length increase,” Boodram says.
4. Your profile doesn’t reflect your intentions.
A personal pet peeve of mine is seeing someone write “looking for a long-term relationship” but not including a single prompt about their values, or that have any kind of depth. If all I see are silly prompts, I’ll assume they may not be that serious.
What to do instead: Be honest in your bio section about what you’re looking for in the first place—and if that’s a long-term relationship, own that. “People can resist doing this because they think it will scare people away. In truth, it does—but that’s a good thing. If someone is put off by you sharing your dating intentions, they’re likely not looking for the same things as you,” explains Pavitt.
And remember, whatever it is you’re on the apps for, your pictures and prompts should ultimately match up. “Include at least one prompt that clearly signals that you’re looking for something serious [if that’s the case],” says Pavitt. There’s nothing wrong with featuring funny, lighthearted prompts (things would be boring without these) but make sure there’s a balance to showcase your humor and intentions. As for the visuals, “choose photos that represent your real life—so if you’re an introvert who loves quiet mornings and walks in nature, a profile full of party photos may attract people who aren’t compatible.”
5. You present negative energy.
Look: We all know dating apps are hard work (to put it lightly), but your displeasure with them shouldn’t come across in your profile. “One of the biggest mistakes people make is appearing jaded in their bio,” says Zane. “These folks tend to have dating/app burnout and focus on all the things they do not want in a partner. Often, they come off a little hostile in their bio…. This energy is just really negative and off-putting.”
What to do instead: Keep it positive. There’s plenty of time to bond over a shared dislike of the apps, but that’s not what your first impression’s for. “It’s beneficial to put out good energy in your bio, and to share what you are looking for in a partner rather than to list all the things you are not looking for,” says Zane.
6. You’re using dating apps for the wrong reason.
Yes, using the wrong pictures, prompts and chat-up lines are all technically “mistakes.” But the biggest one you can make is being on the apps if you’re not ready.
For many, this looks like going on a swiping spree when they need entertainment rather than when they’re genuinely ready to create connections. “Most people swipe when they’re bored, not when they’re ready to meet someone. That creates endless chatter with no outcome,” says Ryan. For others, this could be an exercise in external validation—and this is just as troublesome. “Many people turn to dating apps to ‘self-soothe’ and regulate feelings of loneliness or anxiety, seeking reassurance through matches or messages,” comments Pavitt. “But the apps tend to exacerbate these feelings and increase dating stress, which leads to cycles of burnout and exhaustion.”
What to do instead: “The solution is to date from a grounded and regulated place—using apps intentionally, taking breaks when needed, and ensuring your emotional needs are met outside of dating rather than through it,” says Pavitt. In short: Don’t download, create, and swipe until you’re feeling ready, stable, and excited about the process: anything less, and you won’t find what you really desire.
Related:
- I Got Professional Help With My Hinge Profile. See the Changes I Made
- Inside ‘Roster Dating’: The Smartest—and Loneliest—Way to Date
- Why You Only Like People Who Don’t Like You Back, According to Therapists
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