I’m on a speedboat whizzing towards my latest vacation destination. As we bounce along, I attempt to take a selfie. The shot I want is the waves, the boats, the islands, but I can’t seem to get the kissing couples out the background. No matter which way I turn, there are honeymooners in my viewfinder. The boat operators and I are the only single people on this vessel. Technically I, too, am a part of a couple—actually, a throuple of single girlfriends heading for an Anguilla getaway. The trip is what I like to call a we-moon.
So often we have our dream destinations on reserve for the day we can go with the person we’ve agreed to spend our life with. There’s the honeymoon and the babymoon, but when do single women get to celebrate life milestones and fulfill the desire for companionship and adventure? That’s the we-moon.
For my most recent we-moon, I was invited to the Four Seasons Resort and Residences Anguilla and joined by two girlfriends. Now, you are probably wondering: What is the difference between this and your average girls trip? Well, similar to a honeymoon or babymoon, a we-moon is taken to celebrate a big life milestone. For me, it was my first book. Single women are so often traveling to celebrate others for their bachelorette or wedding or baby shower. Rarely do we get friends to travel and celebrate something that doesn’t fit into the typical timeline.
That is the purpose of a we-moon. It’s making the phone call to ask your friends to travel and celebrate an achievement with you, just like you do for others. It could be a promotion, a new job, a masters degree, or a book deal.
When crafting the perfect we-moon, there are things to keep in mind to make sure that the trip goes smoothly. I spoke to Joy Harden Bradford, PhD, author of Sisterhood Heals about the best way to pull off a destination celebration with no drama.
Book separate rooms.
On a honeymoon or babymoon, the whole point is to spend more time together. On a we-moon, it’s a balance of time together and time alone. That’s why Dr. Bradford recommends separate rooms if your budget allows. For this Anguilla trip, we were staying in a villa, so we all had our own room and bathroom. It was perfect for the early risers who wanted to read a book on their balcony quietly, or late sleepers who wanted to lay in and order room service. Whatever you decide, you should talk about it ahead of time.
“I think having a place where everybody can retreat and have alone time is really good if that is something that the group can do. So private sleeping quarters are important,” she says. “Also having conversations about budget ahead of time. Because some people [might say], ‘Oh, we don’t need a five-star hotel. We’re just going to be there to sleep. We’re going to be out.’ And other people are like, ‘No, I like luxury.’ So you don’t want to wait until you get there to find out that there’s a difference in the group about that.”
Schedule alone time.
Another thing you should talk about ahead of time is how many group excursions everyone is down to do. “Because I think for a lot of us, there’s so much going on in our regular life that there’s a lot of expectations for what a vacation should be,” says Dr. Bradford. “‘It’s the one time I get to get away,’ and so people really put a lot on it.”
There are many different vacation styles. We’ve all been on a trip that is overplanned and leaves you more exhausted than when you left. Everyone should discuss what activities they want to do, and a good portion should be optional. For example, we worked on an itinerary with our villa concierge. When it came time to do the private yoga session poolside, some people wanted to rest. So I locked in for a one-on-one session, in which I was able to pay extra attention to modifications and my personal pain points. There were plenty of things that we did together, like an afternoon at the spa, where we all got Anguilla-themed massages, and an excursion across the island in a Jeep to see a different beach. Sometimes you just want to take a nap on vacation, and that is okay.
Me doing yoga with my instructor by the villa pool.
Courtesy of subject
Plan new experiences.
One of the things we did as a group was a margarita-making class. The three of us lined up at the bar of the villa and learned how to properly shake and measure lime juice, orange liqueur, and tequila. Research says that picking up a new skill is good for your brain health. (Although I’m not sure they meant consuming three margaritas in an hour….) The new experience for you can be learning a new sport like pickleball, going to a cooking class, or even playing board games by the beach. This is even better when it becomes a social experiment because even if you fail, you can laugh it off with friends.
Make room for deep conversation.
What is a girls trip without girl talk? You have to set the mood for conversations. It’s not always a good time to dive deep into your last breakup as you are sitting at a noisy restaurant or relaxing at a spa appointment. But when you are away from your regular routine, there is a great opportunity to open up. “If these are people that you’re actually hoping to grow closer to, then it is important to continue to go deeper with those relationships. And that really requires a lot of vulnerability, which is really hard for people,” says Bradford. “Girls trips really provide a great opportunity and a great backdrop because you are away from your regular routine to maybe get into some of those things that you don’t have time to talk about later.” You have to set the mood for your friends to unravel. For me, I planned a night in the villa’s private jacuzzi tub, watching the sunset, and drinking wine. That’s where we shared our work woes and dating troubles as a night cap.
My friends and I having girl talk by the fire.
Courtesy of subject
