In this current chapter of American politics, I feel like every headline I read takes about three to seven months off my life. And, SHOCKER, July was no different.
The human body was not meant to withstand so many “WTF” moments at a time, and, when you see all the political madness that happened in just July 2026 alone, you’ll understand why. Here are some of the wildest, most outrageous things that happened in American politics last month:
1.
America turned 250 at the beginning of the month! #CancerSzn
2.
As part of the many, many…MANY White House celebrations to ring in the USA’s anniversary, the Trump administration put on what they called “The Great American State Fair.”
3.
There was much debate about, ahem, how much of a crowd the two-week-long fair actually drew, but we can all agree on one thing. It looked…like something, that’s for sure!
4.
There was a Ferris wheel, a rodeo show, and exhibits for all 50 states. And, on the Fourth of July, there was even a fireworks show.
5.
The crowd goes mild!
7.
During his WHCD speech, Trump made a looooot of really strange comments. Chief among them was his attempt at what I THINK is a joke, but certainly was not funny: “She’s a young, attractive woman. She never smiles. I said, ‘Kaitlan, do you ever smile? Smile. You have a nice position. You’re at CNN Fake News. You should be a happy person. So smile, Kaitlan, just smile.’ But, uh, we attack, and I thought Kaitlan had really made it big with a major new sponsorship, but then I informed her that it wasn’t her on the Bud Light can, it was Dylan Mulvaney.”
8.
Collins didn’t seem to be too pressed about it, though.
9.
On a much more serious note, Joan Sebastián Durán Guerrero, a 25-year-old from Colombia, was shot by an ICE agent in Maine.
10.
Guerrero’s death was the second fatal shooting at the hands of a federal agent within that week of July. Days prior, Lorenzo Salgado Araujo was shot by an ICE agent during a traffic stop in Texas.
11.
In response, people in Maine, Texas, and across the country have gathered in protest to mourn the loss and call for immigration reform.
12.
Across the Midwest and East Coast, smoke from Canadian wildfires spread, turning the sky orange in several states.
15.
Graham was a supporter of Trump’s, so it’s only natural that Trump spoke at the Republican senator’s funeral. And, it’s only more natural that what he said was really strange! “Virtually everyone, Republican or Democrat, liked Lindsey. Well, not everybody, but it sounds good,” he said.
16.
Trump seemed a little sleepy during the funeral, too.
17.
But, apparently, closing your eyes for a prolonged period of time and nodding off isn’t sleeping, idiot! White House Spokesperson Davis Ingle told HuffPost, “President Trump was reflecting on the loss of his dear friend Lindsey Graham, for whom he had just delivered a beautiful eulogy. Anyone suggesting otherwise is a depraved moron.”
18.
Maybe if this was sat next to him instead of JD Vance, he would’ve kept those lil’ peepers open.
19.
Sigh.
20.
Bittersweetly, the World Cup came to an end. Spain was crowned the winning team by the FIFA Peace Prize winner himself.
23.
Welp!
25.
Children were in the White House again, which is…a choice! This particular gaggle of youngsters were invited to the Oval Office to celebrate the first day of trading for “Trump Accounts,” a savings and investment accounts program for minors.
26.
Clearly, it was riveting.
28.
Scott Jennings, a conservative pundit, went on Twitter to set the record straight. His friend was fine! They talked for a full 20 minutes! There was nothing to worry about! (This, of course, became a massive meme online.)
29.
Then, to set the record straight from the horse’s mouth, McConnell posted what people online were calling “a proof of life photo.”
31.
In an effort to “auramax” — IDK why the [redacted] they phrased it that way, either — the US Department of the Interior regilded some statues. And, they look, uh… Well, let me ask the audience…
32.
You rockin’ with this?
33.
Here’s a list of typical things that happened this month. Pigs did not fly. The sun rose and subsequently set. And, Trump went on some weird, late-night Truth Social post sprees, sharing seemingly AI-generated photos like these.
34.
Can’t even begin to imagine what’s going on here!
35.
Obsessed much?
36.
Neither my nightmare blunt rotation nor my dream blunt rotation, but instead a secret third, far more confusing, sinister option.
37.
???
38.
And whoever introduced AI to the White House, I just wanna talk.
39.
As if I wasn’t irritated enough, during a rally, Trump pronounced “Mexico” as “meh-hee-ho,” which is wrong in ways I can’t even begin to fathom.
40.
Then, in podcastlandia, JD Vance went on a rant about former president Joe Biden and ice cream: “The way that he ate ice cream. I mean, it’s like, you know, we can bring some of this stuff up. It’s like they would get him eating ice cream in the most ridiculous, suggestive way imaginable.” Like, OK, dude??? Nobody was thinking that, but thanks for sharing.
41.
The official White House Twitter used the phrase “planemaxxing” in earnest. In unrelated news, I just threw up in my mouth.
42.
Pete Hegseth took to the internet to announce the Department of “War’s” plans to (voluntarily) pump testosterone-deficient soldiers full of HRT. Gender affirming care for the win!
44.
A video dropped of Trump talking to an AI Theodore Roosevelt. He later mentioned the chat (if you could even call it that), saying, “I even had a conversation with Theodore Roosevelt.” You know, the guy who has been dead for 107 years.
45.
Trump made a threesome joke (???) about himself and his two sons, saying, “I see my two beautiful sons sitting there. I think I’m going to give one [Medal of Honor] to myself, one to them, and we’ll have a threesome.” HUUUUUUUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
There you have it, I guess. I’m going to go rip my hair out. <3 In the meantime, let us know your thoughts in the comments.
