Quarter of parents use threat of no Christmas gifts from Santa to teach naughty children a lesson

One in four parents of preschool-age children have used Santa Claus or the threat of withholding Christmas gifts as a disciplinary tool, according to a new poll.

The findings, revealed on Monday by C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, show how parents are grappling with discipline strategies for young children.

“It can be a challenge for parents to know the best ways to handle discipline issues, so we wanted to explore their approaches to see where they get resources from to help them make decisions about disciplining young children,” said Dr Susan Woolford, Mott Poll co-director and paediatrician at the University of Michigan Health.

The research shows that many parents are turning to festive-themed threats despite expert warnings against such tactics.

The poll, which surveyed 725 parents with children aged 1 to 5 years old, found more than half of the respondents admitted to using incentives or bribery to encourage good behaviour in their children.

Research also revealed that whilst half of parents maintain consistency in their discipline approaches, many struggle to establish effective routines.

These challenges arise from various factors, including children being too young to understand discipline and parents’ fears about public tantrums.

Thirty-one per cent of parents expressed anxiety about disciplining their children in public spaces, according to the findings.

Dr Michelle Janning, a sociology professor at Whitman College, suggested this fear may be heightened by concerns about social media scrutiny.

“Even 5-year-olds look at each other in terms of what cool things they have, and if you don’t get them a present you said you would, it creates a real threat in society where kids scrutinise each other,” Dr Janning warned.

Experts caution that both threats and bribes can backfire, potentially leading to increased misbehaviour and causing stress for young children.

Dr Woolford emphasised that threats are particularly ineffective because parents often fail to follow through with them.

“Threats don’t work very well because, in general, parents tend to not follow through with them, and then they lose credibility,” she explained.

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Parents are advised to maintain consistency in their planned disciplinary strategies, even in challenging public situations.

“I think parents would be really surprised at how much empathy they might get from others in a store who could recall when they had to deal with such a situation,” Dr Woolford noted.

Instead of threats, experts recommend focusing on positive reinforcement when children display desired behaviours.

Dr Woolford stressed the importance of being specific with praise: “Rather than saying, ‘Oh, what a good girl,’ you want to say, ‘Wow, that’s so good how you helped Mom pick up the toys’.”

Such specific statements help children identify which behaviours to repeat.

While some parents may consider using rewards, Dr Woolford cautioned against certain types of incentives.

Food-related rewards, such as sweets, should be avoided as they can create unhealthy associations.

“We really don’t recommend using food as a reward or threat to take it away because, in the long term, it’s often associated with having a poor relationship with food,” she explained.

Natural rewards, such as extra reading time with activities the child already enjoys, are recommended as better alternatives.

The poll revealed varying levels of confidence in parental discipline methods, with just 40 per cent believing their techniques are highly successful.

A majority of 57 per cent felt their approaches were only somewhat effective.

Parents reported seeking guidance from multiple sources, including family, friends, parenting books and social media.

However, one in eight parents admitted they hadn’t considered their discipline strategies at all.

For parents needing additional support, Dr Woolford recommended consulting with primary care doctors.

“Paediatricians are a good resource, even when someone is just thinking about what their discipline plan would be, not just when problems arise,” she advised.

Dr Janning encouraged parents to be gentler on themselves.

“Parents should go easier on themselves and stop shaming each other because it’s a hard enough job as is,” she concluded.